she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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