So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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