peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
