Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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