I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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