I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
