I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
