Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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