my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
