hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
