we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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