The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
