I just saw a hot homeless man
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
