I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
