The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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