Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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