Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
