This is not my ceiling
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
