I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
