Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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