turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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