and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
