Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
