it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
