Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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