So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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