i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
