Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
