Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
