I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
