By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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