I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
