Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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