He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
