I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just had sex on a roof
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
