my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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