Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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