Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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