Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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