I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
