hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
