when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
