i just sent this text using only my big toe
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
