You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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