Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
