Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's never too late to be topless.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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