I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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