I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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