I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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