And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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