I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
