The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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