I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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