Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
