i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Will exercising make me less horny?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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