Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
