I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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