Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
