if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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