i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
