I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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