im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
