I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
