I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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