Ketchup is God's man juice
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
