I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
