shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
