Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
