i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
