I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
